LIAR

I let myself

be

seduced

by

silver tongues

and

silky ties

Twirled in cacophonies

of kaleidoscope light

I let myself

believe

in

you

and

now

there’s

no

me.

-Jaz

-Liar is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part II

SPRINGTIME & FRIED CHICKEN

Something about the winds blowing

made me think of you tonight.

It reminded me of your scent

but the winds were calm in their flow

and brought me back to the place

when we were perfect like

hot cocoa on a winter morning.

When there was no loudness between us

and no pain in our stance.

Back when our funerals

weren't being planned.

Back when we were new and just born

and everything was a wonder.

This night took me back to when

we could stare in each others' eyes for hours

without the truth of betrayal lookin’ back at us.

This night brought me to a time

before we stayed together too long

and made a mockery of everything we once were.

Before we wore out our welcome with love

Before every emotion came out as rage.

This brought me to a time

when we knew we would walk in

this world always together.

Before lies festered and choked

A time before there was no one

else in existence but us

Something 'bout the winds blowing

made me think of you tonight.

It reminded me of your scent

Springtime and Fried Chicken.

-Jaz

-Springtime and Fried Chicken is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part II

FOOD

I reached out for my other lover today

she provided comfort

and immediate relief.

She snuggled up to me

all too willingly

and became my best friend

but I eroded under her addiction

and she scorned me

as I ate of her affections

and her father’s laugh

echoed in the walls of my tortured mind

and I fell into depression

and covered my naked body

and after her father beat me

she came again for me

sweeter than before

But my Father

gave me a “NO!”

I slayed her in prayer

And ran to the cross.

-Jaz

-Food is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part II

KEPT

It scares me

how far I can go

how deep

the crawl

how cold

the heart

Help me

to see me

as You do

I thank You

for Your wings

I ran from

when I should have

been running to

Thanks for loving me

when I didn’t love You.

-Jaz

-Kept is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part II

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Poems included in The Carving Out of a Butterfly's Wings Part I

Paradise

She wanted to find heaven

between his legs

So hell was allowed

rough, raw and raging

filling her up with nothing

lost her soul

between his legs

only the used grows old

She couldn't believe

heaven was

really hell

and all the

ways her

spirit died

just to get there

and when he

closed shop

she was

emptier

than

before.

-Jaz

-Paradise is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part I

No Medals For A Martyr

Don’t get no award

for hanging in with the one who abused

Some other woman gets the reformed

the shiny new and improved

Who said anything about fair?

When you walk the aisle of addiction

No medals for a martyr

Think he’s somewhere giving a speech

about you who helped him through?

There’s no glory in hanging in there

when the heart has long since stopped beating

no spotlight on the wounded

But he

he has flowers of jasmine on his pillow

and hot chicken every night at his feet

New kisses

new perfume

new, with no stain of the old

No medals for a martyr

What prize is claimed

for “putting in time”

for paying dues

because one day you thought he would change?

Skin pulled now

stretched over years of insanity

You’re still young but you’re worn

and some other has his charms tonight

No medals for a martyr

Gashes and cuts

voids and holes

fit you

It hurts to breath

Who said anything ‘bout fair

when you take on the darkness of codependency?

You took his hand

you showed up at the job

everyday of changing him

You put away your life on a shelf

and tried to live his

You said, “It’s ok, I’ll even feel your pain for you”

You threw away you

and now he’s new

Hid the bottles

hid the pills

hid the mags

stayed thru valleys

stayed thru hills

stayed instead of school

stayed instead of dreams

hid keys

squashed needs

No trophy for staking out

scaling walls

in alleys where a cat wouldn’t even go

Tracking down his addiction

No medals for a martyr

No medal for a heart that stayed the longest

Left with bitterness for food

Abandonment echoes with every closed door

finally facing what’s true

there are no medals for a martyr

and now

he’s

new.

-Jaz

-No Medals For a Martyr is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part I

The Wounds That Sin Left

Oh, make whole my crushed soul

for the covenant that's been dishonored

and the shine that's been shadowed

seal me in thy breath of resurrection

and wash me in the fruits of the Spirit

for I am smudged

and the lie is that I'm unlovable

and You're unreachable

Deliver this battered frame

once exalted...

now broken

now mocked

but now clay in Your hands

Help me not to

measure this against

a Big God

help me to accept

Your grace and mercy

and to welcome the lessons

this fall presents

keep me now watchful

and on bended knee

eradicate the pride

that will keep this face

hidden from You

No! I can't do it on my own

and

Yes! I still need a Savior

It's You

It's You that counts

Your blood

Your body

Your obedience

Your sacrifice-

not even about me

Oh, snuff out self-pity

but put my arms around myself

and point me back to the cross

where I shall wear your death as life

and heal

from the wounds that sin left.

-Jaz

-The Wounds That Sin Left is featured in The Carving Out Of a Butterfly's Wings: Part I

Read Our Interview With Jaz